Thaughts- Feelings- Theory's- Contimplation

A high and mighty white tower
Standing tall and proud
A lifetime of construction and maintenance
to create such a majestic scene
and in one night
one attack
the tower is nothing but a pile of stone
misshapen and bent stone
blow after blow it was stricken down
until it collapsed
collapsed in the darkness
collapsed in the silence
collapsed in the emptiness
Stillness
Quite
And the blue bird cried
cried a song of sweet sorrow
the bluebird cried for the tower
for it was no longer mighty
it was no longer majestic
far from protecting others it could no longer protect itself
the tower was rebuilt- with the same pieces
by the same men
using the same plans
but the tower was never the same
and the bluebird cried
cried at the memory
cried at it's helplessness
and cried until it could cry no more
when all it's tears were cried
the bluebird died
the last to see it's majesty
and the last to see how it once was

I ponder
I ponder the meaning
life
love
happiness
lust
I ponder
drive
ambition
strength
I have no lust to learn
I have no happiness to retreat too
I have no love to hide in
My life, has it become to artificial
living for moments
lusting for snitches in time
I don't want to learn
I don't want to work
I don't want to party
I don't want to be.
I feel myself sinking lower into a pit of depression
becoming complacent with doing nothing
nothing
nothing
not moving
not driving
not writing
nothing.
I ponder
i ponder the world
it's problems
it's troubles
it's injustice
I feel numb to the world
for the world
si numb to me

You can only kill me once
my heart, my soul, you took it away
months passed
not even a whisper of your presence
you killed me once
I died that day
Now you're back
whats hidden in your hand this time
is it your heart, or is it a dagger again
I won't stay to find out
you can only kill me once

Drifting
in and out of the sound
I feel the beat not match my heart,
but my soul
memories of a time passed
flashing through my mind
As if this techno has transported me to better days.
Days of dancing, days of smiling
I can almost smell the sweet scent of these days.
I drift
in and out of memories
My sould is soothed, calmed
I ache
I ache for those days, those times those feelings
I understand
I understand what makes those day's special
friends that are family
and strangers that know you without having ever met you
A sense of community
A sense of Unity
All drawn to me through this beat
I live again in this moment
I love again in this moment
I am again in this moment
I am defined
I am expressed
I am alive
and I remember
The song winds to an end though I could have lived in that moment
I awake
the scent dispersis, my smile fades, and I realize my present
Back to the world I tolerate
Where I am quite knowing that I expressed myselft where it mattered,
and take little notice of anything else

My path
My path is crooked
My path is narrow
My path has bridges and underpasses
My path has switchback and loops
My path has forks in the road
My path has ditches and hills
My path has endless holes and sky high mountains
My path has dead ends and turnabouts
My path can be a alley in the city or field in the country
My path is the world
There is no predicting my path
My path throws me surprises just when I'm feeling comfortable
My path is my own
Where it ends no one knows
Where it began I can only remember
My path crosses over your if only for a second
My path can be in contact with your for a life time
Whether our paths touch for a second, a year, or a lifetime it leaves marks
Marks of memories
My path is my own
Only I can travel on my path
I can't take your path
You can't take my path
My path is my life
My path

The smell of the damp earth in my nose
the feeling of the new grass at my fingertips
I sit affixed with enjoyment
each blade of grass is perfect
the oak tree extends as if into space
each trusty branch opening it's arms to my presence
comforting me
as if an old friend I lean on it
feel the bark pressed against my back
I look out upon the horizon
A perfect view of an untouched world
No one can touch me hear
No one can hurt me hear
Hear I am invincible
I am at peace
a smile creeps onto my face
content to let time stand still
Stopping the universe
Savoring every breath I take
Filling my lungs with the intoxicating pureness
The sun fades into the treeline leaving a essence of purple and red
Coloring the sky with it's paintbrush
The stars are appearing in the sky
each a pinprick of hope
shinning bright in the clear black sky above
Hearing nothing but the crickets awake
I'm at peace

She sat there
lonely and quite
staring off into nothing
when confronted she smiles
smiles that leave cold eyes
the eyes have no joy, no passion no lust
like dark tunnels they leave you feeling empty
Once her smiles would light up a room
now they can't even light up her face
I never knew her
We rode the same bus and ate at the same cafe
through a silent bond we connected over these years
though never having spoken to each other I knew she was aware of the bond
through secret glances and playful smiles we had connected
Now today she was lifeless
no smile in her eyes
I felt a pull to comfort her
before I knew it she was gone
I never saw her again
I watched the light in her eyes for so long
that last day there was no light
never to be seen again
no smile in her eyes

The sky dark as night created a atmosphere of suspicion that settled in a dense cloud around the small suburban neighborhood. The houses were cookie cutter style with no personality that distinguished one from another despite the obvious efforts. Each lawn was carefully manicured by the men who found themselves lacking in every area but there lawns. The big cars in the driveways on display showing the lack of self confidence in the owners. The designer shades were all drawn against the unpredicted storm, hiding and sheltering the occupants of the house from more then the weather. It was in fact and average American Suburbia.
As the storm brewed so did the lives of the Suburbians, each in there own needs there own selfish life styles all unconcerned and obviously ignorant of what was to come, while they lived day to day, hour to hour, the beginnings of something much different was to come. And no one but the small infant that rolled over in it's designer blanket and opened it's eyes to cry seamed to notice the change.

Politics:
Passion
Fire
Hate
Zeal
Frustration
Aceivment
Lose
Power
Strength
Change
Tradition
Denial
Placement
why struggle
why fight for it
why deny the inevitable
republicans v.s. democrats
religiouse nuts v.s. hippies
right v.s. wrong....
I think not
No one is right
no side has the ultimate acheivment
no one has what everyone wants
Not everyone wants the same thing
it is a vicouse cycle
no one wins no one looses
everyone gets frustrated
and everyone gets tired
Why politics?

Techno
It's there whenever you need a beat to guide your way
techno can be slow or fast
relaxing or energizing
techno can make you cry
or make you stop crying
techno is your own interpretation of the beats and rhythms
techno doesn't use words that get jumbled or specify a feeling
you don't need a reason to listen to techno
Techno is what you need it to be
Techno

What is technology?
Is it a tool
Is it an essence
Is it a life style
Is it a personality
Why does it have it's own feeling it's own language it's own edicite?
are those who use it different?
are those who embrace it odd?
are those who reject it ignorant?
are those who are ignorant rejected?
Does it create a schism in our generations?
is this separation welcomed by both sides?
It cane be used to create, destroy, entertain, engage the soul
Who is technology
are they the youth
are they the creators of it/ or the users of it?
It is addicting/ yet necessary
What is technology?

Dark and deep is the hole in which we live in
the edges even darker then the center
mysterious and strange
there is no flashlight
you can sit in the center of the hole all your life
fearing the corners if they exist at all
never exploring
shivering in fear of what to come
there is no flashlight
you can be bold and reach your hand into the unknown
be egulfed by the unknown the mysteriouse
breathing in change and difference
never looking back to the center when there is so much unknown ahead of you
there is no flashlight

Driving at night
windows down, the warm air turned cool by the speed of my vehicle
Only the speedometers are visible other then the lives on the road
they cast a light glow on my hands
I'm in a trance
It's just me and my thoughts
nothing else
nothing else matter
the music blasting is like a voice
"Go faster, go faster" it whispers in my ears
I press the pedal down feeling for the first time in my life it hit the floor
I take the gentle curves easily
I slow to stop at the red light
my hair is wind blown
I feel like the speed helped me understand
understand who I am
who I am to be and
who I was
Driving at night.

I wish she were here
to hug me
to kiss me
to hold my hand
to tell me that she was proud of me
to tell me that she loved me
I wish I could be there
to hug her
to kiss her
to hold her hand
to tell her that I'm proud of her
to tell her that I loved her
And at the end of the day we would walk away
hand in hand
heart in heart
and know everything we said that day was true

"I'm going to die today" these words repeat in my mind over and over again bring a sense of resolve and determination along with hope. I will run like the wind on the heels of my competitors and friends. I will run un till I can't run anymore with wings on my feet and hope in my heart. I'm going to die today. When I break six minuets I will truly have died in soul and be reborn again a better person for having had achieved my goal. The barrier that holds me back will be broken. I will have achieved my goal, a goal i have carried with me for over a year. I have it all figured out in my head 90 second splits, One lap around the track. 45 seconds for half a lap around the track, 22.5 seconds for a 100 or 1/4 a lap. running on, keeping my pace. I will die today, but I will also be reborn

Foot prints in the sand
Tracks of our past imprinting the sand with our presence
Mother nature clearing the beach of our tracks
each wave erasing our steps
They tell you where you've been and toint towards where your going
Just like our precence in the overall scheme of the world

Sun piercing the clouds like a bright blur to take away all the grey
The moist ground soaking up the late afternoon rays
The grass reaching up toward the sky soaking in the light
The water shimmering like a sea of diamonds ever shifting
A ray of hope in the sky slowly fighting a way with the grey masses in the sky
The clouds in their mass of grey depression smothering the hope
The sun begins to retreat behind the waters only to reappear and fight the same battle over again

Whats the point of this endless struggle each fighting the inevitable each counting their victories and defeats since the beginning of time.

Like a bird stuck in a cage
I can see the sun the trees the air
the sky is blue the ground is moist from a freshly fallen rain
I can see all of this through the window of my cage
The contrast between the light of the outer freedom is different from the shadowed dark dreary walls inside. The difference is mesmerizing
Inside my future, my cage
outside my freedom, my stupidity
My teacher my jailer
insistent upon pounding the ideas of old and new in my brain
The history of old seems to mo pointless when faced with the possibilities of experiencing today
Why oh why
I know the cage is my future, but it is still a cage with no where to go
A successful future demands a caged past with many sacrifices.